The Truth About Courage: What It Really Means to Stay When Everything in You Wants to Run

“It takes courage…to endure the sharp pains of self-discovery rather than choose
to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.”
— Marianne Williamson

Ever wonder what true courage actually is? I have sincerely wondered if I had enough courage to bring about what my soul most desires.

I have walked through the most terrifying time in my life,  becoming my most individuated self, not unscathed, but slowly returning to life in a new way.  I thought I would not survive it. The fire of transformation nearly burned me alive…or so it felt.

I have come to understand it as The Dark Night of the Soul.

Along the way, I was counseled by many well-intentioned “angels” who told me to have courage, faith, and trust. But I doubted myself: What if I fail by not having the courage to live in faith and trust?

I questioned myself constantly… Did I have the “balls,” the chutzpah, the resonance with the stars, to really change my life and grow beyond my current limitations?

I desperately blamed and shamed myself, clinging to the idea that in order to take my suffering away,  I just needed greater courage, otherwise I was doomed… healing would not be possible.

I falsely believed that the more conscious and authentic life I dreamt of,  by ending all that I had known, would not be possible because I was deficient.  I believed I was lacking the essential ingredient that could make my dreams real.

I believed I was deficient in courage… otherwise, I wouldn’t be feeling so emotionally out of control and suffering the way that I was.

I fantasized that if only I could locate this place inside of me where bravery lived,  if I were more capable, I would be free to live my new expanded life, and it would be as joyful and exciting as I had imagined.

So I asked myself… what does courage really look like?

And I realized the truth…

Courage is when you smile and offer love and kindness to others even when you feel like your world is ending.

Courage is getting out of bed exhausted after only three hours of sleep, and going to the gym when you feel like crying.

Courage is being brutally honest with yourself, and with others, even if it makes you feel insecure and afraid.

Courage is opening your heart again and remaining vulnerable, even though it has been broken.

Courage is accepting yourself as you are, even when you feel like you are going crazy.

Courage is having the quiet knowing that you are on the right path, even when you feel hopeless.

Courage is doing the uncomfortable thing while feeling scared, because you know it is the right, integrous thing to do… trusting that through the experience, you will grow, empower yourself, and live in alignment with your soul.

Courage is recognizing the pain you feel and reminding yourself that this too shall pass, even when your thoughts tell you otherwise.

Courage is knowing you made the right decision when you chose to live from your heart, even when it feels like you are dying.

Courage is recognizing that you are, in fact, dying, not a physical death, but a death to who you believed yourself to be, and being willing to embrace the journey of self-discovery as if you know nothing.

Courage is loving yourself and embracing the darkness as you become more fully awakened and conscious.

Courage is having faith in life itself, the ability to trust in a loving universe while feeling lost, unsafe, and incapable of recognizing the person you are becoming.

Like the caterpillar that dissolves into nothingness, never knowing the beautiful butterfly that will be born from its own demolition… yet it surrenders anyway.

When you least expect it, life will send you a challenge to test your courage and your willingness to change. In those moments, there is no point in lying to yourself or burying your head in the sand while pretending to be someone you are not.

You know why?

Because you are not in control.

The soul knows. And the transformation has begun, despite your efforts to hold on to what must be released.

It is time for the caterpillar to become the butterfly.

The call to become someone new, to know yourself in more expanded ways, will not wait. The universal alarm clock decides when it is time to awaken to who you truly are.

You have to trust me on this one.

“Life does not look back.”

I have learned that vulnerability is the greatest measure of courage.

When all feels lost, seek a new path, and trust that the doors you need will open.

I pray you recognize that you already possess the courage to transform your life into the greatest vision you have ever held of who you truly are.

All my love,
RJ