“The biggest commitment you must keep….is your commitment to yourself” Neale Donald Walsch
I was in a loving marriage for most of 30 years. When I awakened to the reality that the relationship no longer supported my growth and personal evolution, I knew that in order to stay in integrity with myself, I had to end the relationship. After all, “to thine own self be true” or not I suppose that’s up to you. For me, it took years battling with my own inner demons (of which there were many), and issues of co-dependency to actually fulfill that intention.
I felt guilty, inadequate, shameful and judgmental of my own needs. After all, didn’t I make a commitment? Thou shall not break commitments was my bible, and although I wasn’t always aware of that record playing in my head, nevertheless it was playing in the background like a scratch on a record. It was only after tremendous amounts of pain and anxiety that I came to a place of realizing I was allowed to have needs, and it was okay to have those needs met. I began to fall in love with Robin, and with that, my marriage was over.
But what about commitment… doesn’t that mean anything? Can we just decide to change our minds after making a commitment to someone? What if that commitment implies to love someone till death do part? Can love die or be sufficiently diminished giving you a reason to leave and then it is okay? Is it acceptable to break a commitment if the other person has changed in ways that cause you unhappiness? Is it ever justified to break a commitment, and who decides…where is the line drawn?
I would suggest that we completely reevaluate our understanding of the word commitment. I have come to recognize that the way most people view commitments is really a concept that has been shoved down our throats since the beginning of time. How have we been conditioned to look at commitments, and how does that differ from being authentically in alignment with your own heart? The way I see it is that we can really only ever commit to ourselves. As we chose to live a spiritual life, where all our relationships are about the love of truth, personal growth, and empowerment, there can be no other way. Only then can we truly offer the beauty, and wholeness of love given freely.
How can we commit to the evolution of our soul, all the ebbs and flows and changes, and not allow that in each moment we get to decide without demands or obligation? That idea is an important one to think about. This doesn’t mean that love cannot last over a lifetime, but many times the kind of love it takes to commit to another human being must allow for growth and ultimately change, and that sometimes means ending a relationship that no longer serves your soul and evolution.
Therefore, what can we commit too? We can commit to being true to ourselves.… looking deep inside for our own truth, leaving behind what we have been taught to believe and feeling bad if we feel differently. We can stop blaming others and projecting our own “crap” in order to justify our own values and needs. We can choose to love ourselves, live our life fully and with purpose and passion and to love FREELY with our entire heart and soul, making the choice to commit to ourselves with honesty over and over in each moment. All our relationships will be more loving and satisfying as a result.
I am here to help you awaken and empower a new you…always with love, RJ
Check out my book entitled “Hugging Trees in the Dark”…Finding the Courage to Free the Heart on Amazon. Listen to my radio show… AwakenRadio.net