“I want love, passion, honesty, and companionship… sex that drives me crazy, and conversation that drives me sane.” – Unknown author
We all want to be loved, but how? I chose the above quote because that is what I want, how about you? What false ideas are you willing to give up to get it?
Throughout our life, we spend a good deal of time in relationship quandaries and upsets. We ask the same questions over and over in our minds… “Does she respect me?” “Does he love me enough?”
“What will keep our closeness alive?” “How do we communicate our needs in a way that can be better understood?” “Am I enough just as I am?
“Is she capable of meeting my needs?” “Can I make him happy while being true to myself?” “Can I be free to be myself and still be in this relationship?” “Do I deserve to be loved?” “Can I have my freedom to explore my own needs, and maintain a committed relationship?”
Endlessly we question, evaluate, and discern the truth for ourselves. You may ask, “Is it even possible to “make” another person happy?” I say, not until you fully embrace your own needs and values first.… only then are you free to be authentically “you.”
How do you do that? A good place to start is to look deep inside yourself and consider the questions I have presented… recognizing your happiness in relationship always begins with your relationship to yourself. There, I said it, amen.
Many relationships don’t work out so well… even after you have invested your heart and experienced much joy and personal growth as a result of being together.
Painful relationship endings are happening all the time with anger and resentment, but why?
If you are expecting different behavior… expecting your partner to be in alignment with your needs without actually communicating what they are, that will create challenges that are impossible to overcome, and eventually heartbreak.
There are so many doubts when it comes to how to love another without giving up our essential nature. Your wounds and traumas prevent you from connecting with your own heart and intuitive knowing, not allowing the vulnerability that is essential to true intimacy.
It is easier to find fault and blame with those close to you rather than accept the disillusionment that is a result of your stories around what love is and what love is not.
You shut down your heart in fear. Your soul speaks to you, but you must be tuned in and willing to listen. For the soul only knows unconditional love, acceptance, and compassion… guiding you to what is in your highest and best interest, which often seems unclear and terrifying.
Can you listen and honor your own inner desires without judgment and blame, and not expect someone else to fulfill that for you, but rather allow the space for authenticity and the truth of who you are?
What I have come to realize is that your pain and heartbreak in relationships comes from your being unaware of your own expectations. It is as though there is a written contract in your head, so to speak, as to what a person should or will provide.
Could it be that our expectations are holding us back from fully being able to appreciate and “see” the opportunity for experiencing an ecstatic kind of love and growth that a healthy relationship has to offer? Furthermore, can you acknowledge that your needs and values will change over time?
There is a difference between clearly defined and reasonable expectations and unreasonable expectations that are based on fear of not having needs met and the beliefs we hold based on past relationships. Can you see the distinction?
In my opinion, you are the only one that can decide what is reasonable and unreasonable. You must decide what is best for you in relationship, and if necessary, end a relationship without drama or personality assassinations.
You can, and will, become saner and more empowered in the process of examining your ideology of love.
It is essential that you become aware of what is lurking underneath your past conditioning and hurts, which can cause you to have unreasonable expectations in your intimate relationships.
It is your misperception and belief about the past (the stories we have created as “truth”) that cause you to behave in ways where you have unreasonable expectations and judgment.
As we come face to face with our expectations and don’t allow our outwardly projected stories to run our romantic show, we have a chance of allowing authentic, free-flowing love to be the guiding force in our life. Easier said than done, I know, but trust me, it’s worth the effort.
I believe in you, and your desire to be more awakened to your authentic self. I am here to support you on your journey of awakening.
♡ In love, Robin Jillian
Please check out my website www.robinjillian.com or awakenradio.net for past blogs and all of my past blogs and radio/podcast shows. I also offer one on one personal coaching to help you make the transformation that is calling you. Please check out my coaching page to see if I can be of help to you.
I would love to hear from you, so feel free to comment. I am here to support you on your journey of awakening. “Free the Heart and Evolve the Soul”