There is no coming to consciousness without pain.  People will do anything, no matter how absurd in order to avoid facing their own Soul.  One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.    Carl Jung

What I am wondering about is when relationships fall apart, what are the underlying components that cause the breakdown?   Can we hold the intention to look deep inside ourselves for understandings that raise our consciousness?

I believe one of the most important factors to keep a relationship healthy and successful (joyful, loving and supportive) we must share values. In other words, in order for there to be contentment and ease with one another, we need to remain aligned with what we hold to be most near and dear to our heart, and share that with the significant “others” in our life.  We must be aware of what truly matters to us.  It is of paramount importance for our well being to recognize our intensely felt desires, and communicate them if we want our relationships to support our growth. With similar values, our relationships thrive, and are a source of creativity and strength in our life creating deep love.

Everyone talks about the importance of being independent and relying on yourself, becoming your own best friend and lover.  Yes, I have found that is true in order to experience the kind of love and connection that constitutes a healthy relationship based on authenticity, acceptance and truth. We must be secure in who we are first,  we must know that we can stand on our own two feet, and love and accept ourself just as we are.

However, it can also be true that by being in relationships we actually become our best selves growing and evolving faster.  We then are able to experience greater joy with people who share and appreciate our vision to become more fully alive and conscious.

Isn’t it also necessary that we find the personal fortitude to hold the space for our precious ones when encountering those unhealed and terribly uncomfortable places…often referred to as our wounded or shadow selves…allowing them the freedom to act temporarily insane as they get triggered from past pains?  Is it possible during those times for you to fully commit to another through all of it without judgement or the withholding of affection and love?

Holding the mirror for each other is one of the greatest gifts we can offer, and can be extremely painful as many times the things we do not wish to look at are presented to us in living color.  We blame the other person for making us feel hurt and scared…not wanting to look at truths we have conveniently hidden from ourselves.

So, what do we do?  We don’t want to feel unsafe and often times we would rather be right than happy…so we cling to what we believe is true in a defensive posture…holding on tightly to the secure place, feeling that we cannot risk being vulnerable because it is scary and may hurt too much.

I say, spread your wings and fly.  Allow yourself to become the fire, consumed and transformed by love’s gifts. Vulnerability is the greatest act of courage and faith in life,  believing that everything we experience is for our highest and best interest.  Trust, and allow yourself to intimately explore and experience the up and down, the in and out of the deepest parts of you with an unbridled passion and intention to blossom through the difficulties… hugging the edges and giving your heart the permission to let go and engage in all of life’s beautiful complexities.

I love you and hope you will grow with me as I open up my life in my  intimate memoir as I faced my “Dark Night” in my book Hugging Trees in the Dark…Finding the Courage to Free the Heart.  You are deserving of living the most joyful and empowering life possible!