“Don’t look for peace. Don’t look for any other state than the one you are in now; otherwise, you will set up inner conflict and unconscious resistance. Forgive yourself for not being at peace. The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace becomes transmuted into peace. Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender”
― Eckhart Tolle
I have struggled over the last couple of years to accept myself as I am, not feeling comfortable with my emotions as I experience radical growing pains. Changing my whole life, and watching the disintegration of all that I had known in my life was more devastating than I thought possible. My old life where I felt successful, loved and confident, was fading into memory as if it was a dream.
For me, my decision to end my 30 yr. marriage, leave my business of 24 years, move across the country alone precipitated the darkest period of my life. I was answering the calling of my soul and my journey of awakening, though divinely guided, came with a hefty price.
I entered my Dark Night of the Soul and used all my familiar behaviors to “will myself” to heal. Believing there had to be something wrong with me, I exhausted all possible healing modalities with little success. I was afraid to let go and have faith and trust in life itself. I came to realize that I needed a deeper connection with my source… this was a spiritual journey. Could I reinvent myself, I didn’t know.
I came to understand that the rebirthing of ourselves is a process that moves like a spiral, which represents the journey as it ebbs and flows, two steps forward… one step back. Over time wisdom hidden was revealed, and I realized I had been given a gift. My soul spoke to me… and was no longer willing to allow me to stay in the self-imposed prison that I created in my life that included shame, guilt and a lack of self-worth.
My personal surrender was to recognize that my old life no longer served my soul, and it was time for me to liberate myself and live the grandest version of me. It was time to go deeper, become more authentically me. I had no map… only my deep longings and love of myself to lead the way to the bright light inside of me. So, I surrendered (and keep surrendering) to the “what is” of life knowing that through accepting where I am right now and not resisting what life is asking of me in each moment, I am growing and flourishing beyond my wildest imagination.
I also recognize that to surrender means that I must let go of the old outdated stories I have come to identify as “me”, which are nothing more than lies I have been telling myself much of my life. I have discovered that it is easier said than done.
Some days it requires that I slay the dragon over and over until my fears lay down their arms and I surrender to the intention of love inside my heart. This is my choice… living a life of purpose and passion requires a commitment to your soul.
Realize the benefits or your own Soul’s journey – check out my boo, ‘Hugging Trees in the Dark… Finding the Courage to Free the Heart’
Listen to my podcast, Awaken Radio!
With love and gratitude, RJ