“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves”
William Shakespeare
I am sure you have heard the expression “life is a journey”. It sounds so wonderful, like a fun and exciting adventure waiting for you at every moment. When you have an expansive view, perception, and awareness of the timelessness of life itself, (living in the now) it is a just that…, an exciting sojourn filled with unexpected miracles and heartfelt experiences. Even in the difficult times, there is an acceptance and a flow of life that speaks to our heart and soul.
However, when we perceive our life through a different “truth” as trials and tribulations, pain and suffering, dreams unrecognized, physical illness, relationships dissolved, disappointment, self-judgment, shame and alienation from ourselves that then becomes the story of our lives. These long-held beliefs become our emotional experiences that shape the reality and the lens through which we see and experience the world.
I have been on an amazing and often traumatic healing “journey” for about 18 months now, facilitated by my choice to completely change my life in many ways, and face my own inner demons. During this time, I have written a book describing and sharing my inner truth back to the authenticity of me. My book entitled “Hugging Trees in the Dark “ tells of my painful road back to my true and now expanded self. Examining the beliefs and conditioning that has shaped my world for such a long time – realizing that I felt I didn’t really know who I was anymore. Even more frightening was not knowing when and if I will emerge as the butterfly or if there is even a butterfly evolving within me. Maybe I am just going crazy I have thought many times. My understanding is the caterpillar actually turns into liquid before it becomes the liberated and beautiful butterfly. Such is how my life has felt. Being in a state of terror as I experienced my own “death”, and the feeling of drifting in the sea without a paddle has been an extremely painful road back home. Feelings of hopelessness and insecurity had become my best friends, at least I had security in the insecurity as my mind would cling to anything that I felt I had familiarity with.
They say the mind is a powerful servant, but a terrible master. It is so true. It is almost as if you have to treat your mind like a small child, realizing that it is our smaller self that has run the show for so long and it doesn’t want to give up easily. When we can love our minds and thoughts and realize that their job of keeping us “safe” through our stories and beliefs are no longer necessary, and in fact counter-productive or the new self that is being formed and reborn, we can dedicate ourselves through conscious choice and tremendous courage to change those stories and lies. Our beliefs hold us back and limit our ability to see reality as it really is. Are you ready to release the old crystallized patterns of behavior that are holding you back? I love you, RJ
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