Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

“People fear leaving their safe harbor of the known and venturing off into the unknown. Human beings crave certainty — even when it limits them.”
— Robin Sharma

Inspired by my own personal journey to end my marriage of 30 yrs…. In my soon to be released book “Hugging Trees in the Dark” (Finding the Courage to free the Heart)

Many years ago, while I was I was on an airplane, I spoke for hours with the man who was in the seat next to me.  Little did I know at the time that this interaction would come to be so meaningful for me. I began an internal inquiry that would change the way I see love and commitment, and would eventually lead me to make one of the biggest life altering decisions I would ever make….the decision to end my marriage.

The gentlemen and I immediately connected, and I believe we both felt a mutual attraction. He had a wedding ring on, however, I would have guessed that the zest had left his marriage and boredom was setting in.  I was married as well, it was at the point where I was aware that my marriage was no longer serving my soul, and didn’t know what I could/should do about it. After all, I still loved him dearly, but our needs and values were no longer compatible and our life paths were no longer in sync.

On the plane, we discussed many personal ideas of life, and at the end of our trip,  he looked deeply into my eyes, and asked me this very direct and heartfelt question: “How do you leave someone you love?”… His question seemed almost childlike, he couldn’t seem to fathom how that could be possible.  I didn’t know either, how could you leave someone you love?

For me, that was the beginning to take the necessary steps to become very present with my needs and intentions, and what I wanted to create in my life.  After all, life is no dress rehearsal, I had to get 100% conscious and honest with me.

I longed to be a more expanded and a more authentic version of me.  Neale Donald Walsch, in his book “Conversations with God”, expressed the purpose of life so perfectly….. to recreate ourselves anew in the grandest version of the greatest vision we have ever held about who we really are.

Although I knew it was time, the thought of living without my husband of 30 years by my side was the scariest thing I could fathom, and the guilt I felt about “hurting” him made it even more difficult.  How do I remain grateful for the life my husband and I shared and still ask to end the marriage? My conditioning told me that to put my needs first was “wrong”, and I felt ashamed of myself.

I had to look into the depths of my soul to find the wisdom and the courage to follow my heart even with painful fear and insecurity.  Who would love me?  Even more challenging was the thought of could I, would I, ever love again?  Leaving a relationship while still feeling so much love is one of life’s most painful choices. However, it is more painful to ignore the “calling” of our heart when it is time to go in a different direction in life.  “The truth shall set you free”, and if you truly love someone, give them the gift of honesty and authenticity. You both deserve it. I love you, RJ